My final hCG Quantitative results came back. To date, we have:
1999 on Monday
2600 on Wednesday
4452 on Friday
I think these numbers look wonderful; as I have previously stated, the numbers should be doubling every 72-96 hours. Since these tests are only 48 hours apart, it's hard to tell, but I think they look good. They are moving up, so, at this point, I am still pregnant, until proven otherwise.
I am getting really bad headaches, and I have to drink prune juice every morning. Tylenol doesn't do a THING for the headaches, but the prune juice has solved the problem of the cramping. Basically, I still FEEL pregnant. I just wish I had morning sickness; did you know that morning sickness is actually linked to a decrease in miscarriage risk? How fun.
What I am really scared about right now is a blighted ovum. Quite simply, this means that everything moves along in order, except that a baby never develops. Gestational sac keeps on truckin', body keeps on preparin', etc. We thought I was 6wks pregnant, at which time an embryo SHOULD be seen, but all we saw was a gestational sac. So....yeah. It would be a new one for me - I have not miscarried in that way before. In fact, if it is a blighted ovum, I will have miscarried in every way, excepting voluntary abortion.
How fun.
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
the shining tunnel at the end of the light
After looking up hcg quants all morning on the intrawebz, I've found that once the number gets above 1200, it takes 72-96 hours for the number to double. My dr seemed to think my pg was over, because my number did not double in 48 hours.
So I got a new dr. I did this last year, too, though. I remember my husband saying, "I know this sucks, but going to a new dr is not going to magically bring our baby back to life." Well, whatever. It's true, but my numbers are NOT showing that I am losing this baby. My ultrasound did not show that I am losing this baby. All this was confirmed when I called my new dr.
Some women's hcg is so low, that they do not even register positive on pee stick until they are 3mos pg. Some women have what is traditionally considered very low, not-viable, numbers and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. "Normal" is different for every body, and every pregnancy, and it is impossible to create an all-encompassing STANDARD for these things.
My point is, I'm not giving up on this one, yet, and I found a dr that is also not ready to give up. I kinda wish I had not gotten the hcg quants testing. I kinda wish I hadn't had the u/s that said that my baby is almost 2 whole weeks younger than we thought (this means that I implanted later than we think, or the pregnancy has already ended). Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of sitting back, and letting what will be, be.
*As I was typing this, I found myself suddenly doubled over in pain, cramps, crying horrible cut-me-in-two abdominal distress. Could be gas. I had enchiladas for lunch. Could not be gas. We'll see...*
So I got a new dr. I did this last year, too, though. I remember my husband saying, "I know this sucks, but going to a new dr is not going to magically bring our baby back to life." Well, whatever. It's true, but my numbers are NOT showing that I am losing this baby. My ultrasound did not show that I am losing this baby. All this was confirmed when I called my new dr.
Some women's hcg is so low, that they do not even register positive on pee stick until they are 3mos pg. Some women have what is traditionally considered very low, not-viable, numbers and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. "Normal" is different for every body, and every pregnancy, and it is impossible to create an all-encompassing STANDARD for these things.
My point is, I'm not giving up on this one, yet, and I found a dr that is also not ready to give up. I kinda wish I had not gotten the hcg quants testing. I kinda wish I hadn't had the u/s that said that my baby is almost 2 whole weeks younger than we thought (this means that I implanted later than we think, or the pregnancy has already ended). Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of sitting back, and letting what will be, be.
*As I was typing this, I found myself suddenly doubled over in pain, cramps, crying horrible cut-me-in-two abdominal distress. Could be gas. I had enchiladas for lunch. Could not be gas. We'll see...*
And one for the road...
My hcg was 1999 on Monday, only 2600 on Wednesday; it is supposed to at least double every 48 hours in a viable pregnancy. Not sure if I will try to conceive again; hubby ships off for several months on Feb 5th. If I am not pregnant within the next like, 6 weeks, he will miss the birth. Or I suppose I could just wait to start trying again until the end of the year, and be pregnant while he is gone, but so far, it takes us one year to conceive anyway, so should I even bother waiting? Could I really handle going through this again, possibly alone?
Idk. I had two perfectly healthy, easy pregnancies. Easy to conceive, easy to carry, healthy babies. Now it's just loss after loss after loss. Am I just not supposed to have anymore babies? Is it possible that the drs screwed something up during my cesarean with my last baby? Can't I please just have ONE child with my husband?? This is our 5th loss in the short 3 years we've been trying.
How do I tell my kids AGAIN that yet another baby is not going to be coming home?
Idk. I had two perfectly healthy, easy pregnancies. Easy to conceive, easy to carry, healthy babies. Now it's just loss after loss after loss. Am I just not supposed to have anymore babies? Is it possible that the drs screwed something up during my cesarean with my last baby? Can't I please just have ONE child with my husband?? This is our 5th loss in the short 3 years we've been trying.
How do I tell my kids AGAIN that yet another baby is not going to be coming home?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Had my first ultrasound today.
We found a gestational sac, measuring 4w4d on the u/s. I started puking right there on the table...puking during trans-vag ultrasound is NOT fun! I was so sure that that empty black spot on the screen was where my baby should be.
My first hcg quants are 1999 (hubby says: "I guess we should party?"), but I have to wait another couple hours to find out if they doubled (had blood drawn this morning). Hcg is the "pregnancy hormone" that pee-on-a-stick tests are detecting. The amount of hcg is supposed to double about every 48hrs.
All in all, the dr says that I am pg, but that I am only 4wk4d pg, not 6wk3d, as we had previously calculated. My cycles are 31 days long, my LMP was Jan 25th. Although, I am looking back at my chart, and I had a neg preg test on Feb 22 that I had forgotten about! Feb 22 was 17 days ago, which means that I am most likely only about 4wks pg, I think; what do you think? Here is my chart. Am I just getting my hopes up? Am I just seeing what I want to see?
On to the other stuff: my dr is SO terrified of my Marfan's, that I really think she is "building me up" to abort! She says that Marfan's patients have a risk of heart RUPTURE, because of increased blood volume during pg. She actually said, "Well, you shouldn't bee too concerned, at least you already have two healthy children...knock on wood." Arg. Okay, I actually do like this dr, so I'll try not to make her look like a tool. Anyway, Marfan's can cause enlarged aortas, and enlargement of the heart itself, which can lead to rupture. *I* do not have these conditions. *I* can run, I chase my kids all over the beach, I ride my bike with them! I don't go rockclimbing anymore, but I can still go hiking in the mountains, and I can still swim a mile in a lake with a current!
So, she's ordered a bunch of genetic tests, a full thrombophilia work up. She has also demanded that I see an internal medicine dr, to get in to see a cardiologist, because *IF* this pg continues, she wants me on constant heart monitoring. She expects that I have some blood/clotting disorder, and is already planning on putting me on Heparin & baby aspirin. She says that I will need the blood thinners for my entire pg, and at least 6wks after birth. Oddly enough, my non-pg related drs have always told me to stay away from things that thinned my blood (alcohol *snort*). They were afraid that it would cause my superficial clots to move around.
I had been concerned about the progesterone that my previous dr prescribed for me. She says that they do not bother testing prog levels, because they vary so greatly from individual to individual, that there is no "standard" or "normal". She says that half the studies show that it can help, whereas half show that it has no effect. So, I am paying hundreds of dollars a month "just in case". Okay. Whatever, I got a fat tax return. But the box also warns about horrible birth defects if it is used in the 1T. Dr says that she has never heard of that before, and not to worry about it ~.^
The dr also mentioned that my hcg quants were low, but still higher than what the u/s showed (??), and that depending on my quants today, and again on Friday, she wants me in for another u/s soon. She suspects that I could have another pregnancy, ectopic, which may be throwing off my numbers O_O !!??@&%#^$* Great. I manage to make TWO babies, and don't get to keep either of them? This just isn't fair -_-
I'm so exhausted right now, I can barely keep my eyes open. I was supposed to get the blood drawn for the genetic tests today, but the dr wrote them in a really funky way, and some of the tests the lab isn't sure what she is talking about, and the dr wrote a fasting test, but then told me to go get it done immediately, so they are having to work all that out. I go in tomorrow morning for the blood draw, and again Friday morning for another hcg quants.
I think I need a nap. But first, here is the list of tests the dr ordered for me. Some are really hard to read, so I might be spelling them wrong:
Factor V Leiden mutation
Prothrombin G20210 A mutation
Anticardiolipin IgG
Prothrombin aPTT
Homocysteine fasting (this is the reason I couldn't get the tests done today-the dr said nothing about fasting!)
VAT III antigene activity lvl
Pro C antigene activity lvl
Pro S antigene activity lvl (my awesome lab guy told me that these "Pro"s mean "Protein", but my dr abbrev. it wrong, should be"Prot")
Google says "antigene" is "antigen"; I'm assuming the difference is that my dr is foreign (from Iran, studied in France, then got her U.S. licensing in N.Y.)
Ooookay, nap, then I will research what all these tests mean, and look for u/s pics of gestational sacs! From what I can see so far, these tests just mean I'll need blood thinners for a long time.
My first hcg quants are 1999 (hubby says: "I guess we should party?"), but I have to wait another couple hours to find out if they doubled (had blood drawn this morning). Hcg is the "pregnancy hormone" that pee-on-a-stick tests are detecting. The amount of hcg is supposed to double about every 48hrs.
All in all, the dr says that I am pg, but that I am only 4wk4d pg, not 6wk3d, as we had previously calculated. My cycles are 31 days long, my LMP was Jan 25th. Although, I am looking back at my chart, and I had a neg preg test on Feb 22 that I had forgotten about! Feb 22 was 17 days ago, which means that I am most likely only about 4wks pg, I think; what do you think? Here is my chart. Am I just getting my hopes up? Am I just seeing what I want to see?
On to the other stuff: my dr is SO terrified of my Marfan's, that I really think she is "building me up" to abort! She says that Marfan's patients have a risk of heart RUPTURE, because of increased blood volume during pg. She actually said, "Well, you shouldn't bee too concerned, at least you already have two healthy children...knock on wood." Arg. Okay, I actually do like this dr, so I'll try not to make her look like a tool. Anyway, Marfan's can cause enlarged aortas, and enlargement of the heart itself, which can lead to rupture. *I* do not have these conditions. *I* can run, I chase my kids all over the beach, I ride my bike with them! I don't go rockclimbing anymore, but I can still go hiking in the mountains, and I can still swim a mile in a lake with a current!
So, she's ordered a bunch of genetic tests, a full thrombophilia work up. She has also demanded that I see an internal medicine dr, to get in to see a cardiologist, because *IF* this pg continues, she wants me on constant heart monitoring. She expects that I have some blood/clotting disorder, and is already planning on putting me on Heparin & baby aspirin. She says that I will need the blood thinners for my entire pg, and at least 6wks after birth. Oddly enough, my non-pg related drs have always told me to stay away from things that thinned my blood (alcohol *snort*). They were afraid that it would cause my superficial clots to move around.
I had been concerned about the progesterone that my previous dr prescribed for me. She says that they do not bother testing prog levels, because they vary so greatly from individual to individual, that there is no "standard" or "normal". She says that half the studies show that it can help, whereas half show that it has no effect. So, I am paying hundreds of dollars a month "just in case". Okay. Whatever, I got a fat tax return. But the box also warns about horrible birth defects if it is used in the 1T. Dr says that she has never heard of that before, and not to worry about it ~.^
The dr also mentioned that my hcg quants were low, but still higher than what the u/s showed (??), and that depending on my quants today, and again on Friday, she wants me in for another u/s soon. She suspects that I could have another pregnancy, ectopic, which may be throwing off my numbers O_O !!??@&%#^$* Great. I manage to make TWO babies, and don't get to keep either of them? This just isn't fair -_-
I'm so exhausted right now, I can barely keep my eyes open. I was supposed to get the blood drawn for the genetic tests today, but the dr wrote them in a really funky way, and some of the tests the lab isn't sure what she is talking about, and the dr wrote a fasting test, but then told me to go get it done immediately, so they are having to work all that out. I go in tomorrow morning for the blood draw, and again Friday morning for another hcg quants.
I think I need a nap. But first, here is the list of tests the dr ordered for me. Some are really hard to read, so I might be spelling them wrong:
Factor V Leiden mutation
Prothrombin G20210 A mutation
Anticardiolipin IgG
Prothrombin aPTT
Homocysteine fasting (this is the reason I couldn't get the tests done today-the dr said nothing about fasting!)
VAT III antigene activity lvl
Pro C antigene activity lvl
Pro S antigene activity lvl (my awesome lab guy told me that these "Pro"s mean "Protein", but my dr abbrev. it wrong, should be"Prot")
Google says "antigene" is "antigen"; I'm assuming the difference is that my dr is foreign (from Iran, studied in France, then got her U.S. licensing in N.Y.)
Ooookay, nap, then I will research what all these tests mean, and look for u/s pics of gestational sacs! From what I can see so far, these tests just mean I'll need blood thinners for a long time.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
I just can't help myself!
More baby stuff:
Free pattern for Noodle Baby Hat from Haakpoes
Free pattern for Grandma's easy 10-step Booties on Ravelry
Yarns are: Red Heart Soft Yarn in white, and Crystal Palace Cotton Chenille in Fruit Salad.
Another Noodle hat - I just love these things! I didn't put the cuff ont his one, although I am thinking I will. I don't really want to, because the cuff is really boring and long to make, lol...but the hat feels like it is missisng something =X
The booties are SO simple, and very cute, I think =] They really take about 30-45mins to make the pair. They are worked flat, and come out looking kinda upsidedown-"T"-shaped, then it's stitched up. Simple! I'm not sure I am going to leave the variegated cord in there; I have ribbon that looks just like that yarn, but would probably be easier to tie/untie.
I added the picot edge to the top of the booties: After completing final row, turn. *Sl st in nxt st, ch1, sl st in same st* across. That's def my favorite picot edge, I tend to use it a lot (like on my mushrooms in the last post).
I spent all day yesterday cleaning. I mean, ALL DAY. I didn't do anything else but clean! lol It was nice, though I still haven't tackled my bedroom (yikes). We need to have someone come in and take a look at our wiring; both bedrooms only have one working outlet now =X Very inconvenient! But I suppose I should make sure that the electrician can actually WALK through the rooms before I call, eh? ;)
Free pattern for Noodle Baby Hat from Haakpoes
Free pattern for Grandma's easy 10-step Booties on Ravelry
Yarns are: Red Heart Soft Yarn in white, and Crystal Palace Cotton Chenille in Fruit Salad.
Another Noodle hat - I just love these things! I didn't put the cuff ont his one, although I am thinking I will. I don't really want to, because the cuff is really boring and long to make, lol...but the hat feels like it is missisng something =X
The booties are SO simple, and very cute, I think =] They really take about 30-45mins to make the pair. They are worked flat, and come out looking kinda upsidedown-"T"-shaped, then it's stitched up. Simple! I'm not sure I am going to leave the variegated cord in there; I have ribbon that looks just like that yarn, but would probably be easier to tie/untie.
I added the picot edge to the top of the booties: After completing final row, turn. *Sl st in nxt st, ch1, sl st in same st* across. That's def my favorite picot edge, I tend to use it a lot (like on my mushrooms in the last post).
I spent all day yesterday cleaning. I mean, ALL DAY. I didn't do anything else but clean! lol It was nice, though I still haven't tackled my bedroom (yikes). We need to have someone come in and take a look at our wiring; both bedrooms only have one working outlet now =X Very inconvenient! But I suppose I should make sure that the electrician can actually WALK through the rooms before I call, eh? ;)
Monday, May 05, 2008
I see pregnant people
I am pregnant.
Yes, finally, after 21mos of charting my temps, inspecting my toilet paper, mourning my 17 miscarriages (and one ectopic!), and hounding my calendar, I am finally pregnant!Ok, long time, no post, I know. I don't even have anything crafty this time. I should, I have been crafting my little head off! I've been on bedrest for several days at a time. I've been crocheting a lot, because everyone and their brother (okay, my brother's SO) is pregnant. I am in dire need of YARN. Nothing fancy, some sport or worsted wool, or cotton...whatever is soft, and relatively smooth. I have three baby blankets, and two baby hoodies to make by October. I am also in the process of making this purse for myself (in pink), and my daughter is begging me for this sweater (also in pink, but I like her better in yellow, personally).
My daughter is getting on my last nerve, btw. She has this major Pretty Pretty Princess complex, and she is a royal pain in the ass! Charles and I have taken to singing, "Daddy, I want a goose that lays golden eggs!" quite frequently (she doesn't get it, altho she has seen the movie). Charles about had an aneurism at Borders yesterday, when she turned her back on us, and put her fingers in her ears, when we were explaining that we were at the bookstore for reading material, and not Beanie Babies.
Anyway, back to pregnancy and crochet. I have been spending my time hunting patterns, lazily working up blocks of this afghan, and winding my yarn into center-pulls balls with flat bottoms (all my 8 skeins of yarn, lol). I find that I frequently apologize to my mom in this blog. Today's apology: I'm sorry, mom. I really love granny squares. Seriously, this blanket makes the deepest parts of my soul smile :D
Charles seems to be quite fixated on baby names already. I don't mean fixated like it's all he thinks about; fixated like he brings it up more often than I am thinking about it, lol. We're pretty happy with the name Victor for a boy, so far. We've been talking for several months about naming a baby girl Caitlin, after my best friend of 10 years. I'm not sure, though...I don't quite know how I feel about naming a child after someone else =X My friend, Lyndsay, due in November, found out this week that she is having a boy. She is naming him Tristan. That's cool; I like that name, but I wouldn't use it for my child, so now we don't have to worry about naming conflicts ;) Lyndsay's baby is getting a blanket of this pattern (scroll to bottom), but in these much less obnoxious colors:
. It's perfect, really. Lyndsay is going to give birth to a little rockstar ;)My sister-in-law is pregnant, too. Well, not really in-LAW, since they aren't married, but, whatever. I haven't actually heard from her or my brother. I heard the news from my dad (who is doing better health-wise, worse life-wise). I think my SIL is kinda wrapped up in my nephew (recently diagnosed with autism), and the pg. I think my bro is just BUSY, with a full-time job, and being a full-time student...and having a crazy pregnant wife, and a small child ;) LOL Good lord, I don't know how he does it X]
I have two other friends that are pregnant right now, but they are both due within the next month.
I have been journalling. I haven't kept a journal since I was a teenager. When I was about 18, the diary I had kept since I was 8yrs old fell into the wrong hands. I still cringe when I think back to the embarrassment that caused. I still wanna cry when I think back to all those thoughts and memories I lost. Now, journals just make me feel vulnerable, but I am determined to document this pregnancy, and *Heaven forbid* should it end badly, our continued effort to breed.
Good things come to those who mate.
I had an ob appt today. It was un-eventful, but amusing. I ended up waiting there for almost 2 hours. I fell asleep a couple times, heh. There was a woman there that was pg, and she had a set of 19mo old twin boys named Finnegan and Oliver, and a 3yr old ds named Valentino. Super cute family; they made me happy (and briefly consider tubal ligation after this baby ;) Oliver bit Finnegan's toe, and there was much screaming. Probably wouldn't have been so bad had Finnegan had his shoes on, but alas, they were confiscated by mama about 20min earlier, when he kicked Oliver in the ribs.
I get Progesterone (sticky-baby hormone) shots every Monday. I mentioned to my dr that I've been itchy *down there* for the past couple days. She "assured" me that it was a common side-effect of the Progesterone. Hooray! I get to practice discreetly scratching my crotch for the next 5wks! ~.^
My dr is feeling very confident about this pg now. I apologized for my unkempt-ness; explained that I just can't seem to wake up the past couple days, that most of my bras are horribly uncomfortable now, and that the taste of my toothpaste makes me wretch. She was unnaturally happy to hear of my issues, lol. But, it's encouraging that she's so confident that I am actually pg =]
Perhaps the most exciting news to come from my appt today was that my dr gave us the green light to *get busy* again ;)
We went to dinner at Marie Callender's. I had a bowl of potato cheese soup, salad bar, cornbread, and a huge slice of double cream blueberry pie. Charles had a piece of meatloaf, and some mashed taters. Oh, I had some of his meatloaf, too. Then I came home, and polished off a box of Little Debbie's strawberry roll things.
Old wives say that if you crave sweets in your pregnancy, you should expect a girl.
I have determined that I need one of those silver allergy bracelets for my latex allergy. I myself forget about it at least once a day. I talked with the tech at the lab about that; about how I always forget, even though I have a fairly severe allergy. She said that it's really common in people that don't have instant allergic reactions. Something about the connection between the pain and the allergen not being subconscious, or instinct, or whatever. Idk. I just know that I've got an awesome husband, that always reminds me before every appt that I am allergic, and always makes big "latex allergy" signs for my door when I am in the hosp =]
I think I'm going to fall asleep now *yawn*
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Swappin' tha deck, ARRR!
Oh my. I signed up for Swap-bot last night.
-help meeeeeeeeee-
Some "notes to self":
* I will not join more than 2 swaps at a time.
* I will only join 1 international swap at a time.
* I will only join one quick swap (send-out date less than 2wks away) at a time.
* I will not zallow the dollar total of any and all swaps I am in climb above $30.
* I will not join swaps when their send-out date is towards the end of a pay period.
* I will remember that there is a post office 2 blocks down Soquel, instead of forgetting, and going to the p.o. way out in Capitola.
So, the first swaps I have joined are a Red Ribbon swap, for AIDS Awareness Day (Dec. 1). I will have two partners in that one, and will be making something red ribbon and wearable. If my partner happens to be in the U.S. (it's an international swap), I will most likely send out a yellow ribbon, as well. I'm all about encouraging people to support the troops. All anyone hears about these days are anti-war, anti-military, anti-government....I don't think anyone realizes the effect even a simple yellow ribbon has on us. It's enough to make our whole DAY. Anyway....that's an entirely different post.
Secondly, I joined a Newbie Swap, to get my rating up, so I can join the swaps I realy *want* to join ;) I'm excited about the Newbie Swap! I'll only get one partner, but something about getting to know them covertly, and making up a package tailored to someone else...Idk, this just sounds like *FUN* =]
In other news...
I've decided the layette set will have a gardening theme. Hubby voted for bunny theme, I vetoed. Baby's parents are gardeners, and I doodled out some cute little sweet peas and punkins...I'm having visions of making a whole army of toys and blankets now!
I won't.
But maybe I can convince the children to be sweet peas and punkins for Halloween X] LOL!
-help meeeeeeeeee-
Some "notes to self":
* I will not join more than 2 swaps at a time.
* I will only join 1 international swap at a time.
* I will only join one quick swap (send-out date less than 2wks away) at a time.
* I will not zallow the dollar total of any and all swaps I am in climb above $30.
* I will not join swaps when their send-out date is towards the end of a pay period.
* I will remember that there is a post office 2 blocks down Soquel, instead of forgetting, and going to the p.o. way out in Capitola.
So, the first swaps I have joined are a Red Ribbon swap, for AIDS Awareness Day (Dec. 1). I will have two partners in that one, and will be making something red ribbon and wearable. If my partner happens to be in the U.S. (it's an international swap), I will most likely send out a yellow ribbon, as well. I'm all about encouraging people to support the troops. All anyone hears about these days are anti-war, anti-military, anti-government....I don't think anyone realizes the effect even a simple yellow ribbon has on us. It's enough to make our whole DAY. Anyway....that's an entirely different post.
Secondly, I joined a Newbie Swap, to get my rating up, so I can join the swaps I realy *want* to join ;) I'm excited about the Newbie Swap! I'll only get one partner, but something about getting to know them covertly, and making up a package tailored to someone else...Idk, this just sounds like *FUN* =]
In other news...
I've decided the layette set will have a gardening theme. Hubby voted for bunny theme, I vetoed. Baby's parents are gardeners, and I doodled out some cute little sweet peas and punkins...I'm having visions of making a whole army of toys and blankets now!
I won't.
But maybe I can convince the children to be sweet peas and punkins for Halloween X] LOL!
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