Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm only missing the yellow slicker and umbrella

Ever wake up and think, "How the heck do I do it?" Not in the "I'm so cool, I rock my socks off," kinda way, either.

I'm at the kids' school every single day of the week now, volunteering, teaching art, etc. I love to do it, but lately, I am feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps by the 3270785298475 other things I have going on. But, I have made a commitment, so I need to be there; it's not like there are many people that are waiting in line to work for free nowadays, yanno?

My brother is having a rough time in his life right now, and for his privacy,, I wont go into any of that here. I'll just say that it is a life-changing, incredibly tragic, and difficult situation. I have been trying to be supportive, and helpful in every way I can, but I really wish I could BE there, like up there where he lives. Sometimes, i just wanna give him a hug; sometimes, I want to help him with everyday-gotta-be-done things that are really tough to get done when you are as stressed out as he is. I just wish I could do MORE, I guess.

My father's health is deteriorating quickly, and he really needs someone to live in, and take care of him. I don't have the room for it here, and I'm not sure that I have the time, with all the volunteering that I've got going on. But I don't know anyone else that will step up, and I feel like I am in a position where I need to choose between my dad and my kids? SO frustrating!

Next, my friend is being screwed over by another friend since they broke up and now Friend 1(the girl) is threatening to (or has already, I haven't heard from her today) take all of Friend 2's(the guy) indiscretions up to his chain of command. Possible consequences range from considerable demotion, to military prison time. I am torn, though. Everything she is saying to the boss-guys is TRUE. So, should I keep my mouth shut, and let them deal with their own issues? Should I warn him? I see this guy several times a week, I'm not even sure I can look at him anymore, knowing what is coming to him...but on the other hand, he made his own decisions, knowing the consequences. And then, should I tell my husband, who is friends and has to WORK with this guy every day? That would put him in a rough position, but I feel TERRIBLE keeping things from my husband, and I fear he may be upset when all this shit hits the fan, and he finds out that I knew it was coming, and didn't talk to him about it...UGH!

My children are getting injured on an almost-daily basis by a bully at school now. This kid has been bothering them for a while, and tells Isaac every day that he is going to kill him...but I don't see anything being done about it. No, but they want ISAAC to go to a special counsellor, and they want to have these meetings about how he doesn't seem to be able to interact well with the other children. Isaac gets angry and yells. This other kid gets angry, and HITS...or throws things, or kicks, etc. The kids KICKS ME. I said something to the boy recently, when he would not leave my kids alone, was pushing them down, and saying very hurtful things to them. I told him that he needed to leave my kids alone, and that it was unacceptable behavior. The next week, got a message (through my son's teacher) that his mother was upset that I spoke to her child, and that I am not allowed to do that anymore, that I am only to bring my problems to HER. That would have been fine, but I did not see ANY parents with this kid. I have met his mom ONCE, and probably wouldn't recognize her! I'm just sick of this kid picking on mine, especially since he HURLED my 1st grade daughter so hard that when she hit the ground, her shoe flew off, 15ft away, on the other side of an 8ft fence! Oh, she's okay, she has a lumpy bruise, and barely-there scratches on her leg, but WTF?? He got a "talking to", and then proceeded to kick me after school (because I got him in trouble @@), and chase my daughter around telling her "I'm glad I hurt you! I will do it again as soon as they aren't looking!" OMG, it makes me SO angry!

So, yes, when it rains it pours. I'm hanging in there, I suppose, but I think to myself every morning, "How do I do it?"

It is never-ending, I fear:
Found out this morning that I am pregnant. Again. My annual positive pregnancy test has me in knots, and because of my history (I miscarry every year), I am having a hard time even considering this a viable pregnancy. I start getting my injections today, and will likely be getting all sorts of bi-weekly blood tests, etc. It's taking all my willpower not to smoke, but to be perfectly honest, the majority of me is screaming


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